Words Hurt More Than Sticks and Stones

Like a madman who throws flaming darts and deadly arrows, so is the person who deceives his neighbor and says, “I was only joking!” – Proverbs 26.18-19 (CSB)

I don’t think I’ve heard it much lately, but I did when I was younger. When someone said something that hurt my feelings, I was reminded of this: “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me.” And that was it. That was all that had to be said to fix the problem. Except that it didn’t. Why? Because words actually do more damage than sticks and stones. 

Words wound the soul. And when those wounds are ignored and left to fester, our whole person is impacted. Think about it: can you think of something that someone said to you that hurt you from years ago? Do those words still cause an emotional response that leave you broken and hurt? I think we can all say yes to this question. Why? Because words do harm us. 

I still remember a classmate from sixth grade who did not like me (and if I’m honest, I wasn’t her biggest either), who walked up to me one morning and said, “Your knees look like you swallowed two avocadoes whole and they got stuck in your knees.” That was almost 40 years ago. And while I no longer worry about if my knees resemble that sweet fruit of guacamole, I remember the words. But that’s a comical memory of words spoken to me. But maybe as you’re reading this, the words that you remember aren’t funny in the least. And for that I am so sorry.

James talks about how evil our tongues are in his letter. “And the tongue is a fire. The tongue, a world of unrighteousness, is placed among our members. It stains the whole body, sets the course of life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. Every kind of animal, bird, reptile, and fish is tamed and has been tamed by humankind, but no one can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison” (James 3.6-8, CSB). How many battles and wars have been started and extended because of words? How many relationships have been torn apart because of words?

You see, words convey the condition of our hearts. If I haven’t dealt with the wounds from others’ words (or their actions, or the wounds from trials I’ve gone through that I haven’t worked through yet), then I will speak according to the condition of my heart. When I speak from my flesh (i.e., my sin nature), I will speak things that are destructive instead of life-giving. The condition of my heart is what determines the things that come out of my mouth. Jesus made it clear. “For the mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart” (Matthew 12.34, CSB). If my heart is wounded, I will speak words that wound. But if I’ve experienced healing from the things that have been said to me because of the work of the Holy Spirit as I’ve engaged with him in dealing with these things, I will be able to speak life to others. And while I’m able, because of the Holy Spirit to speak life, I still have to decide to do so. You see, the presence of the Holy Spirit in my life does not then mean that I automatically always speak words that are godly and helpful. I have to decide to do so. Look at what Paul said to the Christians in Colossae. “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you should answer each person” (Colossians 4.6). Because I’m instructed to let my speech always be gracious, it means that I have choice to do so. While I cannot tame my tongue, God can. And since we are commended to let our speech always be gracious, then we can decide to obey God and speak life.

So my prayer this morning is this: 

Father, I don’t want to destroy people with my words. I want to build people up. I want to speak life in to people. I want to speak truth that is dripping in your grace. Please help me, Holy Spirit, to control my tongue, to know when to speak and when to be silent. To know how to speak to people so that they hear rather than be turned off due to my lack of love or concern for them. O, God, please help me! Help me to truly speak truth in love. Please continue your healing in me from the words and wounds of others. And please bring healing to those who I have hurt in the past with my words. Please convict me of words that I have shared that have brought unnecessary pain so that I might make it right with them.