Let’s Get Good At “Instead”

I appeal to you, instead, on the basis of love. – Philemon 9, CSB

Instead. 

This word was originally two words, “in stead,” meaning “in place of.”* And while we can do anything instead of what we are supposed to do from a thoughtless reaction, there is the “in place of” that comes from deliberate and intentional thought to make a better choice instead of submitting to our first cravings.

As Paul addressed Philemon concerning Onesimus, the runaway slave of Philemon who had surrendered to Christ through Paul’s ministry, he came to him from a humble “instead” as he encouraged Philemon to welcome Onesimus back “no longer as a slave, but more than a slave — as a dearly loved brother” (Philemon 16, CSB). In Paul’s letter, he wrote, “For this reason, although I have great boldness in Christ to command you to do what is right, I appeal to you, instead, on the basis of love” (Philemon 8-9, CSB). 

Paul, as an apostle of Jesus, had great authority in the church. And still, he appealed to Philemon. The word “appeal” in the Greek language means to ask for earnestly, to beg, or to plead. It also means to encourage, console, and urge.** So while Paul could have commanded him to do what he wanted Philemon to do, he appealed to him from a place of love to do what ought to be done in obedience to Jesus. 

Today, to appeal seems to be overshadowed by strength and power, bringing about a false sense of peace that is really just submission in the wrapping of that same false peace. Power is addictive and impressive, bringing pomp and circumstance that often keeps people in place. But what if we, in our personal lives as followers of Jesus, advocated for appealing from a place of love that brings about the changing of hearts in people instead of settling for behavior modification. What if we started with appealing instead of ordering? Settling for the immediate response that comes with forcing people into submission at the expense of the healthy and long-lasting route of relationship and respect for others doesn’t seem to play out well in the end. What if we took our cues from Jesus, who ushered in his kingdom here on earth through love and sacrifice, a kingdom that has and will outlast every other kingdom and nation until he returns. Jesus, who has all authority and unbridled power, is King of the universe. There is no one and nothing that can stand against him. Trying to stand against him is like holding back a hurricane with an umbrella. It’s impossible. And yet he, our God and King, made himself nothing and took the form of a servant, to advance his kingdom and bring about our salvation from a place of meekness, mercy, and grace.

So, let’s practice “instead,” in our personal lives and walks with the Lord, with how we love and care for our friends and family; with how we engage the world as we long to see them surrender to and follow Jesus. Instead of reacting to life in a way that keeps us on top, what if we willingly took last place and trusted the Lord with the outcome? Instead of looking for ways to be served, we adopted a lifestyle of service. Instead of ensuring we get what we want first, we become content with what we have so that others can have what they need. Instead of forcing people into submission, we invite them into relationship through the love of Jesus. I know this goes completely against what we’re used to. I’m not trying to convince you that it’s easy. But being citizens of God’s kingdom means we aren’t allowed to do what we’re used to doing. INSTEAD, we get the opportunity to live out the values of the kingdom of God and bring God pleasure and joy as we honor him.

So, let’s live out the grace and love found in “instead.” 

If, then, there is any encouragement in Christ, if any consolation of love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, 2 make my joy complete by thinking the same way, having the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves. 4 Everyone should look not to his own interests, but rather to the interests of others.

5 Adopt the same attitude as that of Christ Jesus, 6 who, existing in the form of God, did not consider equality with God as something to be exploited. 7 Instead he emptied himself by assuming the form of a servant, taking on the likeness of humanity. And when he had come as a man, 8 he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death— even to death on a cross. 9 For this reason God highly exalted him and gave him the name that is above every name, 10 so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow— in heaven and on earth and under the earth— 11 and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. – Philippians 2.1-11, CSB (emphasis added)

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* “Dictionary.com | Meanings & Definitions of English Words.” Dictionary.com, 2023, http://www.dictionary.com/browse/instead#word-history-and-origins. Accessed 6 June 2025.

** Swanson, James. Dictionary of Biblical Languages with Semantic Domains: Greek (New Testament), Electronic ed., Logos Research Systems, Inc., 1997.